Making Time for Worship

Twenty minutes ago, Nathaniel fell asleep in my arms while I was sitting in the rocking chair. I waited for enough time to pass before setting him down in the crib. I was unsuccessful. He opened his eyes, began to pout. I rubbed his tummy and tried to shush him back to sleep but was unsuccessful. He has been crying intensely for the past ten minutes. I thought I would give it twenty before tending to him. Enough time for a short entry.

Ever since Nathaniel has been born, it has been a challenge to sit through a complete church service or fellowship gathering. Only once in the past four months has he fallen asleep during an entire service. As a result, it’s hard to feel like I’ve “worshipped” on Sunday’s. Initially, I borrowed my dad’s CD series of Rev. Charles Price sermons to listen to in the car during the week to make up for it. It has helped somewhat—at least I feel I’m still learning about God’s Word.

Lee and I have been trying to attend our career fellowship, but it’s the same—the weekend evening start time no longer works for us when the baby gets fussy as soon as it nears eight or nine in the evening. Plus, I don’t think it’s very fair to Nathaniel to impose our “adult schedule” on him. Babies take comfort in familiarity and routine.

It’s a bit better when the fellowship program is at our house. Lee and I used to lead Bible studies together, but now it’s all him while I’m busy keeping the baby quiet as he is leading (boy do my arms and wrist hurt by the end of the evening!). This past Saturday, he led a Bible study on Joshua 23 (we’ve been focusing on the book of Joshua since the winter).

I have to admit—one of the things about breastfeeding now is that, on the occasion, I feel cut off from the rest of the group. I love a good conversation, and I love a good discussion during an interactive fellowship program—so to have to leave mid-way to feed Nathaniel for half an hour—takes some getting used to, especially since I love listening to my husband whenever he has to lead a program. Which is what happened again this past Saturday. I sat on the rocking chair upstairs in the master bedroom and tried to listen to the discussion going on downstairs, but couldn’t make it out. All the while, I’m looking at Nathaniel, hoping he’d eat faster so I could go back downstairs again. I had to remind myself at that point that Nathaniel comes first now, and for me to focus on feeding him rather than tending to my own yearnings.

As it grew closer to nine, I put Nathaniel in the crib, hoping he would fall asleep so I could join the final portion of the Bible study. Of course, it didn’t work, he was crying his head off, which I’m sure probably vexed some of the fellowship attendees (his crying ringing throughout the house—really no need for a baby monitor). When I sat down in the family room to join the group, I realized Lee’s Bible was closed already. “You’re finished?” I asked. He looked at me. “Pretty much,” he said. I put my hand gently on my husband's back, then whispered, “Can you get Nathaniel ready for bed then, and I’ll lead the prayer portion?” He nodded and went upstairs. The group then began to share our prayer requests and praises.

The reason I felt a need to blog was that, in these short twenty minutes of prayer sharing and group prayer, I had felt a deep sense of spiritual intimacy with the group—which I hadn’t felt since before Nathaniel was born. I appreciated it so much, and valued the spiritual thirst of the brothers and sisters there.

One of the couples who attended are expecting a baby in January, and it came to me that perhaps we could start our own small group with them next year (an English speaking small group for “new parents” does not exist yet in our church). I shared this with Lee that night and he concurred. The next day at church, I spoke to the Father-to-be, and he said that the idea came upon them as well after Saturday night’s program. Of course, both of us have to pray about this possible new direction—but I am amazed at how quickly God has answered my prayer.

Nathaniel’s intense crying has turned to fussing. Let’s hope he’s beginning to fall asleep.