Believe it or not, I’m sitting at my writing desk, enjoying chocolate biscuits and tea while Nathaniel is asleep in his crib. So far, the scheduling of his nap times is working—he cried a lot yesterday, but only fussed for fifteen minutes or so today before falling asleep. Of course, his naps range anywhere from 20 minutes to three hours (average time is 35 minutes), so this blog is going to be brief.
I’ve been feeling guilty about not being disciplined in working on my master’s thesis. My topic is on Anne Steele. During Nathaniel’s first month, I was so excited about getting started, I had ordered a number of books online for research and even have a copy of her poetry and hymns now. Three months have passed, and I should have read more than I have. I’ve successfully cut daytime television-watching while breastfeeding (though I can’t help but check my email, surf on facebook, and read the daily news every morning)—and yesterday was my first attempt at doing 45 minutes of reading of J.R. Broome’s biography of Anne Steele during Nathaniel’s nap. I know that with these incredibly short naps of his, it’ll take me forever to make any headway on my thesis—which is why the daily discipline is so necessary. O God, please keep me disciplined.
I just want to share about the quality time the husband and I are finally having since Nathaniel was born. Not that it wasn’t there before, but I’ve witnessed a drastic difference in the past couple of weeks, mainly as a result of Nathaniel’s decrease in crying and fussing. Most noticeably, dinners are accompanied by less crying now that Nathaniel is spending more time trying to socialize with us. It’s the cutest thing—he alternates sitting on Daddy and Mommy’s laps during dinner, all the while making all sorts of sounds, trying to join in on our conversation.
Of course, given all the time I spend with Nathaniel, he naturally sticks to me or his gaze most often follows me when there are many people in a room. But now that he’s become more observant, he watches Daddy a lot, while he’s shaving, gelling his hair (the change table is in our master bedroom ensuite, so it can be pretty busy in the bathrooms in the morning when all of us are in there).
Last night, I transferred a sleeping Nathaniel into Daddy’s arms so that I could cook. Daddy sat in the rocking chair for half an hour in the darkness, sipping his Pepsi until I finished. Then, before bedtime, as Nathaniel laid on our bed, he stared at Daddy, and talked to him in long, extended huh’s and coo’s.
I must admit, when other mother-friends visited us during the first month, and saw our then six-pound son, they would let out an “Awwww,” then give a yearning look to their husbands, whispering, “I want another one” (funny, the husbands aren't usually as enthusiastic, their look is more one of anxiety). I was perplexed at first, wondering why they would yearn for that challenging first month, when my husband and I were completely sleep-deprived and had few moments to enjoy to ourselves.
Not that I have forgotten all the pain associated with labor, nor those sleepless nights, nor the splitting headaches, listening to hours of Nathaniel’s crying—but, after three months, I am already experiencing nostalgia. I look back at the photos and can’t believe that it has only been three months. The past few days, I have felt a surge of sadness, realizing how quickly Nathaniel is growing, and how quickly he will grow out of this stage and move onto the next, asserting more of his independence with each day (crawling, walking, etc.).
I just feel so blessed to be a Mother. I have no idea what God has planned for me, whether He plans on giving Nathaniel a sibling to play with one day—but I’ve enjoyed the process so far, and I find it amazing that this is how God has everything designed. Everything is a process that is to be unraveled, and we humans, with limited vision, are granted the chance to be part of these miraculous moments, watching them unravel ever so slowly—enough so that we appreciate the process.
Let’s see what time we have left of Nathaniel’s nap for me to do some more reading…
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