Bit the Bullet, Took the Plunge

Well, I moved Nathaniel to the crib three nights ago. The first night was a fluke. He appeared fussy at 7:00 p.m., so I put him down for a “nap” (he usually goes to bed at 9:00 p.m.). He wound up waking at 1:30 a.m. This made me realize that he was, indeed, ready to be placed in the crib.

The first official night was rather successful. He fell asleep both times with no fuss (that is, every 6 hours, after a feeding). The past two nights, there was some intense crying, though no more than 20-30 minutes.

Might I recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth to new parents who want to sleep train their baby? The methods didn’t work so much for the first two months, but now that I’m rereading this book and applying it once again, his methods seem to be working. My sister recommended that I read Baby Wise when I was still pregnant; that book was helpful, but Weissbluth’s book is much more detailed and pragmatic—offering up strategies to correct the poor sleeping habits of a baby.

He’s very much an advocate of protecting a baby’s sleep schedule. As I confessed a month ago, I was taking “shortcuts” to put Nathaniel to sleep (i.e., taking trips to friends’ houses, to the mall, so he’d fall asleep in the car, in the stroller, in the swing, etc.). To add to that, it was rather “boring” to be at home all the time, and the weather was so nice, it was hard to lock myself indoors. My sister told me that this was what was required if I really wanted to sleep train the baby. Stay home for a week at least and focus only on sleep training. I have done so more or less the past two weeks, and seriously, there is a drastic difference in Nathaniel’s sleeping habits.

Now, my life is all about Nathaniel’s schedule, not mine (once or twice a week, I go out for a few hours). Scheduled feedings (3.5 to 4 hours). If he wants to be fed, I try to entertain him, play with him, take him out to distract him. These are periods of wakefulness, which Weissbluth says should be no more than 1 to 2 hours. Then, when the baby shows signs of tiredness (he has a list of these signs in his book), it’s time to begin the soothing period and put the baby in the crib (drowsy, but not asleep).

One obstacle has therefore been eliminated. I no longer feel the pressure to “nurse” him to sleep. That is, once he’s fallen asleep in my arms, I no longer have to worry about—If I get up, is he going to wake? Even if he opens his eyes upon my standing up and placing him in the crib, 75% of the time, he does not protest—he opens his eyes for a brief second, then drifts to sleep. (The only time he complains is when he is overtired or he isn’t as tired as I suspected that he was, in which case, I keep him awake a bit longer, then try the whole putting him to the crib thing again).

The main problem I have now, which I have to figure out how to eliminate, is that though Nathaniel sleeps through the night in his crib, he seems to wake at 4:00 a.m. every night and stays completely awake until 5:15 a.m. Playing, crying, fussing… on and off, on and off.

(I write this as Nathaniel is napping. I didn’t even mean to put him down for a nap; I put him down so I could wash the dishes this morning, and the next thing I knew, he fell asleep in the playpen and it’s been an hour!!!)

There have been some nice changes already in my life, though I miss having him sleep beside me. It’s the best feeling to wake up with him next to me in the morning; he looks over, wide-eyed, smiles, begins talking to me, and reaching out to touch my face. My eyes tear up knowing that those moments will be gone in a short while.

At the same time, I can sleep without being self-conscious about whether I will wake Nathaniel with every movement that I make. Plus, before sleeping, I have time to read now, since I can turn the light on, and ruffle around the pages in a book. At odd hours of the morning, when Nathaniel is crying and I can’t sleep (since I’m listening intently to the monitor to hear if he’s okay), I have time to write in my journal or read. My husband and I are able to spend time without Nathaniel during dinner (twice so far). All this knowing that Nathaniel is developing good, healthy sleeping habits and growing more independent. Biting the bullet, taking the plunge—the results were gradual, but oh so worth it! I can’t describe the joy I feel as a result of such a simple achievement.

Weissbluth’s schedule for the five to twelve month old is as follows:

Bedtime 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. (for Nathaniel, it’s been between 9:00 and 10:00 p.m., but I’m hoping this will change. Before, it was because I had him in the kitchen playpen with me while I cooked and so he could play with Daddy when he came home from work. Soon, however, I’m going to “protect the sleep schedule,” and put him down whether Daddy comes home on time or not.)

First awakening (for Nathaniel, he wakes up at around 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. for the first feeding)

Second awakening (for Nathaniel, he wakes up at around 4:00, but I don’t go to him until 5:30 or 6:00; I check on him, and keep turning on the mobile – without his seeing me – but I don’t feed him. If he sees me, he’ll actually wind up crying louder and longer)

Start the day at 7:00 a.m. (for Nathaniel, it’s been between 9:00 and 10:00 a.m., since he’s up for almost two hours between 4:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m.)

First Nap (for Nathaniel, this is anywhere between 12:00 p.m. and 1:30; initially, it took me as long as two hours to put him down for his first nap; he kept refusing to sleep; I kept picking him up, holding him for 10-15 minutes, then putting him back down again; he resisted less and less as I continued to consistently put him down for a nap)

Two hours of wakefulness (for Nathaniel, it’s 2-3 hours of wakefulness, which includes play time, going out, grocery shopping, or my doing chores with him in the carrier when I can)

Second Nap

Two hours of wakefulness

Third nap (varies)

Two hours of wakefulness

It’ll be another several weeks before I’ll see how Nathaniel learns. But as EVERY experienced parent has told me, a baby/child learns best with consistency. Last night, Lee saw me so exhausted from the previous night, he suggested, “Why don’t you bring him to bed tonight, so you get some rest?” I shook my head, though it was tempting. “I have to be consistent. I just put him in the crib—there is no turning back now.” If the crying gets too bad at night (which I know it will at times), maybe Lee will have to get ear plugs, if he wants to get his much needed rest for the next work day.

If anyone is reading the past entries of this blog, my subject seems to be focused on Nathaniel’s sleep habits. That’s because this is my life now. I’m enjoying it—seeing him grow, even sleeping on his own, makes me tearful when he starts to do other things on his own. As my sister warned me yesterday, “Wait till he learns to crawl away from you…”