Creative Parenting

Amidst all the busyness of caring for two children, it’s important to find some time here and there for reflection. I’m the type of person who often likes things to be relatively predictable and manageable. Whenever I come across some problem or challenging circumstance that makes me feel like I’m not in control, I often go straight to doing research, reading, or searching of some formula or solution so that I can get my life back to being predictable and manageable again.

While it is important to bear in mind particular principles of parenting (more importantly, biblical principles), a lot of times, how to carry out that principle can be challenging. There isn’t always some method out there you can simply follow.

This came to me as I’ve been reflecting on Nathaniel’s strengths and weaknesses (one of the devotions I’ve been doing recommended that you take the time to do this for your child so that you can pray for them).

Ever since Nathaniel was able to play with toys on his own, one of his “weaknesses” is that he can’t take things “not working out,” or to put it more harshly—he doesn’t like to fail. When he was a baby, certain toys that he couldn’t manoeuvre would easily cause him to cry. Now that he’s two-years-old, this behaviour hasn’t improved. The other day, he was trying to carry some puzzle pieces across the room. He put them all in his hand, but clearly, his hands were too small to carry all of the pieces. Next thing you know, half the pieces fell onto the floor. Rather than picking them up, or figuring out some other way to get all the pieces across the room, he started bawling. (With a newborn to take care of now—this can become rather annoying.)

This week, I started to consider how I was supposed to modify this behaviour (other than improving his problem-solving skills). I reflected on what I personally was doing to cause him to behave this way. Then an insight came to me.

Every time Nathaniel gets a new toy, I teach him how to play it. Furthermore, I teach him how to play it properly. Recently, someone at church gave our family a gift. It was a set of three baskets that came with bean bags. Nathaniel didn’t know what he was supposed to do with it—and in that moment, I realized what I had to do. Like always, he watched me demonstrate to him how to play with the toy. I threw the bean bag toward the basket, but purposely missed. Then I cried out enthusiastically, “Missed!” Nathaniel was amused. I did this again and again and again, purposely missing the basket every time. Then finally, I threw the bean bag into the basket, and I shouted, “Yay! I got it!” Nathaniel began clapping. Then it was his turn. Of course, he missed every shot, but this time, he jumped up happily and imitated me, crying out “Missed!”

One more example. I was very fortunate that for the first 18 months of Nathaniel’s life, he would eat anything I gave him. Mothers were warning me, however, that once he hit the toddler stage, his pickiness for food would kick in. Sadly, they were right. For months, I, like other exasperated mothers, had to find different ways to get Nathaniel to eat the food he was supposed to. The baby who once would scarf down anything, no longer wanted to try new food. That was the frustrating thing—that he decided whether he was going to eat a particular food before even trying it—deeming it unappetizing by the texture or the colour.

Then an idea came to me a couple of months ago. I wanted to get Nathaniel curious about food. I wanted to get him to enjoy trying new foods (the food that was good for him, that is). I decided to take a trip to Costco in the afternoon. Around early evening, different food stations were always set up for customers to sample their products. So there I was, pushing Nathaniel in the shopping cart. I would stop at each food station, and go, “Mmmmmmmm... What’s that?” I’d take the sample, eat it slowly in front of him, watching to see if he was curious. Of course, he was. I’d let him take a nibble. He’d smile, indicating he wanted more. Then we were off to the next food station, and I did the same thing, until we visited every one.

Sometimes, the food stations served chocolate milk, sometimes salsa, sometimes sausages, sometimes chicken. It didn’t matter. My point that day wasn’t so that he would eat healthy. It was to let him see how much good stuff he was missing out on simply by rejecting any food he didn’t recognize or deemed “unappetizing.”

I followed through by beginning to do the same thing at home. While he was playing, I would go to the kitchen and get myself a “snack”—something he had never eaten before. I’d sit on the couch and start to eat the food, making sure he saw that I was eating, but not offering him any. It was only a matter of time before he came to me and asked if he could have some. “Have some?” Sometimes, I ate some tasty snacks, but sometimes, it was soup, or meat balls, or whatnot.

While toddlers are not at all consistent with their behaviour, Nathaniel has begun to eat well again. I’m happy that, even though he’ll reject his dinner at times, for the most part, he will finish it, or at least taste a bite before rejecting it.

This is where Creative Parenting comes in. It’s a product of prayer, patience, reflection, love for your children and a desire to nurture them in a way that best fits their unique temperament and character. One method may work on a child and not the other; nonetheless, it takes a lot of perseverance and thought to bring out the best from them. And when the methods I apply do happen to work, I have only God to thank. He is the one who instils in me the vision of what I want for my children. He is the one who encourages me to press on—and to enjoy the process along the way.