The Paradox of Blogging

Typical of me to always be the last one to keep up with the latest trends: blogging. I hesitated for the longest time (and still have my doubts about this medium) because I am a traditional "journaller" and have always kept my insights and most personal thoughts in my own notebooks, which in the past decade, have formed quite a substantial pile on my bookshelves at home. Would this steadily growing pile eventually be neglected if I started this whole blogging thing?

And, if I were to start blogging, which is essentially for the purpose of publicizing my thoughts, would they no longer cease to be private, and therefore what would be the point? Would it not catapult me further into covering up or disguising my inhibitions and secret musings (being the complacent introvert that I am, the conservative Asian, the secret melancholic)?

Or worse, by blogging, would I not begin yielding to the temptation of putting a ME out there that would seek to be acceptable, respectable--loveable? And if such were the case, would I somehow risk losing myself along the way because I have failed to remain real, once again, in my writing, having tried too hard to please an audience I do not know nor should try so hard in pleasing. (Why do we itch to put ourselves "out there" in the World Wide Web, conjuring a persona that's punchy and impressionable enough that people will notice and spend a good few seconds of their day assessing and then quickly forgetting?). After all, trying to be real is hard enough when done in the comfortable, beautiful solitude and seclusion of my own home.

Then why start? Because, I guess, it shall be another way to force me to keep writing. As much rambling as this blog is fated to exude—it shall be another diversion, hopefully a more productive one than turning on the tube or washing dirty dishes—every time I fall into the pit of frustration, fear, or despair when I make yet another effort to write a scene in a story or come up with an inspiring enough line to put in a poem, essay, or potential sermon. A perceived audience, whether it exists or not, shall do the trick. Which is the same reason why I pay $500 every term to attend 10 sessions of writing workshops at U of T--because without the expectation of some organization or institution, I am often rendered, sadly, indolent and fruitless. Hence blogging shall be my frivolous attempt to impose structure, coherence, and habit on my writing whenever the more serious attempt disappoints.

Now back to the tube…