As Nathaniel approaches his second birthday, I look back and consider the many revelations that come upon the mother as each day, month, and year passes. Months before he was born, I remember the many people who cautioned me about how demanding the first few months were going to be. “You are going to be soooooooo tired.” Of course, it didn’t take long before I realized what an understatement such a statement was. While I may very often exhibit a moderate temperament, it was startling for me to witness the volatility of my own emotional state when under sleep-deprivation. The tiniest things would catapult me into tears—like the newborn waking just as I had fallen asleep, or my inability to soothe his persistent crying, or the ongoing problems I faced while breastfeeding. Things that seem so trivial now that my newborn is a full-grown toddler—yet, in that moment, it was my world—each was a hurdle that I, the inexperienced mother, had to learn to jump over.
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thess. 5:18
Blessings. My mother-in-law had flown in from Hong Kong to stay for a month to help out shortly after Nathaniel was born. I recall her and my mother talking on the phone, discussing the “soup schedule.” Who would make what soup on which day. The new mother’s diet following labour is extremely important—because she is in the process of healing. All kinds of healthy soups were being made for me on a weekly basis so as to aid the healing process.
I was also blessed to have my sister, sister-in-law, good friends to accompany me the year Nathaniel was born. All of them had bore children that year—and I was not deficient of motherly advice.
Sleep-training Nathaniel was, by far, one of the most difficult undertakings. At four months, when Nathaniel was still sharing a bed with me, my mother and sister were already pushing me to train Nathaniel to sleep in his own bed and for longer stretches of time. I was hesitant, of course. Being the new mother, the idea of “abandoning” my baby, letting him cry it out on his own, seemed like an act of betrayal. Oh—how could I do that to you? The training process was not easy—I dreaded the evenings when I would watch the red LEDs flashing on the baby monitor, knowing that I had to ignore it. Tears would fill my eyes. I could not even allow myself to enjoy my own dinner or watch television—until I was sure that there was nothing but silence coming from Nathaniel’s room—until I knew he was soundly asleep, no longer crying for Mommy. But with a child that now sleeps thirteen hours a night, and two-three hour naps on his own—I am reaping the fruits.
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
Ps. 55:22
With the imminent arrival of another one in just three months, there is a different level of anxiety. With Nathaniel, I was anxious, but it was of the unknown. Now I know what to be anxious about. Will I “tear” during labour—be bedridden for weeks again? Will the baby eat as frequently as Nathaniel did (every 1.5 to 2 hours)? Will I have blocked ducts or Mastitis again? Then there is the thought of enduring the whole sleep-training process again. And what the challenges of having two children will bring. It’s hard enough to take care of one sick child, what am I going to do with two sick children? Will I somehow unintentionally neglect the children because of my limited time and attention?
In these moments of reflection, I bow my head down in repentance and humble prayer. Father, forgive me for doubting, for worrying, for not letting all these cares go and trusting in Your provision. For You have certainly provided. Not one day passes that caring for a child of Yours has not brought a smile to my face. There is an unspoken, quiet joy in being a mother, in relishing in the blessing of nurturing an innocent soul.
There are also lessons that a mother must learn on her own, I discovered. When all the baby books and advice in the world cannot help you. When you realize that every child is unique, and the mother who vigilantly observes her child with the utmost love, realizes that she must alter her parenting according to what seems best for her child. Errors in judgment will be made along the way, but nothing—we must remember, as mothers—that is beyond the grace of God. Wisdom comes from Him. Revelations come from Him. And if we mothers take our role as seriously as God wants us to take it—our hearts will be open to His promptings, His guidance, His desire for us to offer our children completely to Him.
I was told that weaning a baby from breast milk would be hard. It was at thirteen-months-old when Nathaniel decided for himself that he didn’t want Mommy’s milk anymore. And that was that. Absolutely no struggle. At the time, I had already begun to give him a bottle for the afternoon feeding. I would rest the bottle on the night stand in his room, lay Nathaniel on my lap, and insert the bottle into his mouth. I knew he didn’t need my milk anymore when he began pulling away from me even during attempted breast feedings, and began searching for the “bottle” that should have been on the night stand. Where is the other milk? his actions were signalling to me.
Nathaniel pretty much skipped the crawling stage. He went from sitting (he didn’t like ʻtummy-timeʼ either) to walking (at fourteen months). When hanging out with other mothers, here were all the other babies already roaming around the room; meanwhile, Nathaniel sat and fiddled with toys. He didn’t have much desire to explore his surroundings. There were times when I tried to encourage him to move around more, but other than that, it didn’t concern me too much that he preferred to remain stationary. In this regard, I wasn’t the type of mother that cared whether he met the “required” milestones for his age. My logic was—the milestone would be reached eventually, so what was the big deal?
As it turned out, Nathaniel’s ability to sit for long periods of time has enabled him to enjoy other activities—learning the alphabet and numbers, drawing, putting together puzzles, and building blocks. While doing the dishes or cooking in the kitchen, I love watching him from a distance. That intense concentration on the task at hand. Zipping back and forth in the living room, carrying blocks from one end to the other. Stacking different toys, one on top of the other, as if to see which ones would go tumbling on the ground, and which ones would remain intact. Setting toys, big or small, on other objects in motion and watching them spin. Just what goes on in that head of yours, little one? I can’t even get Nathaniel to move onto the next activity until he’s signalled to me that he’s finished with his current one. That’s one thing I picked up from his behaviour: when I tell him to do something, he doesn’t respond right away, but he’s heard me all right. I stand there, and wait; in a matter of minutes, he turns to look at me, smiles, and complies, his arms stretched out for me to take him. I’ve got to finish this, Mommy, don’t you see?
Stamped with the Image of God
It seems clear at this point that Nathaniel is introverted, just like his parents (which surprised us—I thought God might have tried to maintain some equilibrium in our household by giving us an extrovert—maybe the next one). When encountering unfamiliar faces, a timid Nathaniel either needs Mommy (at 22 months, Daddy is also an acceptable option now), or needs an average of 1 to 1.5 hours of warm-up time before any real interaction can begin. When greeted with “hi ’s” and “bye’s,” Nathaniel very seldom returns the greeting—at least, not until he feels any degree of affection for the person—and this usually requires months of regular quality time spent together with that person. Nathaniel talks the most when he is by himself. In the presence of others (other than Mommy and Daddy), his lips are shut. Not many people have had the privilege to witness Nathaniel’s adorable babbling or endearing laugh.
In social settings, I have heard remarks now and then about how Nathaniel needs to learn to be more receptive of other people (such people mean well, I know). He needs to be in more public settings, in the presence of strangers more, and so on. I very often ignored those remarks, realizing that they did not witness the Nathaniel I know so well at home. But, I admit, there were moments, when feeling vulnerable as a mother about my limitations (many more of these moments to come, I am sure!), that I thought that maybe they were right. Being a stay-at-home mom, Nathaniel was not submerged in social settings very often—was I somehow stifling his growth in this particular department? Were his parents being introverts contributing to this? Was some modification of his circumstances necessary to benefit his social development?
It is incredible how God’s grace is manifested in the life of a mother. It surfaces in those tiny moments that no one else gets to see, except the person who is intimately caring for the child.
With the beautiful March weather this past week, I have been able to take Nathaniel out for walks in our neighbourhood every day. I hold his hand and we walk along the sidewalk together. I push him on his trike. We play ball in the driveway. Two days ago, our neighbour, who has a five-year-old daughter, comes out on her bike. She looks over to us. Nathaniel looks over to her, and to my amazement, I hear Nathaniel holler “hi” to the girl, smiling, even motioning toward her. She’s greeted us many times in the past two years, but Nathaniel has always backed away or given her a blank stare, as if afraid. To anyone else, Nathaniel’s greeting would have seemed ordinary, but in his mother’s heart was celebration, rejoicing. Nathaniel was coming out on his own. I didn’t have to change the circumstances. I didn’t have to force it. He came out of his shell all on his own, in his own time.
As I look ahead to June—when Nathaniel’s sister enters into the picture—I know that I will need to rely on prayer to quell the fears that are in me, as natural as these fears seem to be. At the same time, these two years have taught me to watch for those tiny moments when the glory of God surfaces, when His nudge of encouragement is felt, and I am empowered to keep on.
So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Cor. 10:31
As mothers, we need to know what God is calling us to do. For me, I know that God has called me to stay home. Just as the mother who has to fulfill her responsibility of work, there will be obstacles that every one of us has to face, no matter what the circumstance. But in the end, we are all offering our children to the same God. We are to nurture our children in a way that brings out his or her own uniqueness (personality, temperament, gifts), and at the same time, persevere in bringing our children closer and closer to knowing Him, emulating Him.
Serving an all-knowing, faithful, and loving God, we have a peaceful confidence that, in the face of the unknown, so long as we fulfill our role as mothers as He has intended it—His glory will shine, in our journey as parents, and in our children.
Come June—when the items listed in my job description will double—I wait in holy expectancy. I anticipate the witnessing of His glory. And rest assured, as soon as I get my sleep, I will make it known.
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