Why Seminary?

There are generally two reactions people have when they hear I am attending seminary: either they are fellow brothers and sisters in Christ who are delighted that I’ve found this calling, or the other extreme—they widen their eyes, thinking in their minds or saying, “In seminary?”

The other common question is, “What do you plan to do with a seminary degree?” Somewhere in my response points to the earnest yet beautiful reality of the Christian journey: “We’ll see where God calls me,”—and if I get the sense that they are genuinely interested and desire a more concrete answer, I would tell them: “For now, I know I love writing, mentoring, teaching…” These have become deep passions of mine.

I’ve been teaching in church for half my life—and it’s seminary that is making me realize more and more the weightiness of what I am doing—the urgency, the effect my words and actions will have on the students—and above all, the bigger picture, am I making disciples in Christ? Because if my serving does not do this, then what am I doing? Furthermore, if I want to be a good worker for Christ—how much am I living out what I am saying to them? Because I have found that the more I believe it, the more that the words are real in my own life, the more the students feel the solemnity of the words too.

As I heard one pastor say: “In this day and age, people are tired of ‘fake.’” You don’t have to announce to people when you’re being real: people can sense it.

Now, when I’m teaching in my Sunday school classes or leading a Bible study, the firm teachings in seminary chapel keep coming back to me—let your ministry bring glory to God; live a holy life, in full obedience to His teachings; make known to others the truth of the gospel, let the words pierce their hearts, making them see their own sinfulness, brokenness, but in love, always in love… and then guide them to the rightful path, the path that will save their souls.

And then the meaning of my attending seminary comes to me: that whether I am doing monumental tasks or little ones in my ministry, this period of study is absolutely necessary for saving my own soul. Having been a Christian all my life, having attended church all my life, having been in various leadership positions in the church all my life—not until seminary did I grasp the amazing breadth that was possible in my personal relationship with God.

Sitting in lectures, learning about significant figures from the Puritan and Evangelical periods, learning about the true meaning of worship, trying to understand the doctrines of the Word of God or the attributes of God, even learning Hebrew and Greek and understanding the Bible in their original languages—what it came down to was not, “How will this HELP others in my ministry if I learn this?” but “How will it help me? How will it deepen my own faith? How will it enable me to understand how important it is to let God take precedence over my entire life?”

I have fallen down on my knees in tears of repentance and thankfulness contemplating this very thought. How, at present (not, “once I get my degree” as I or others have perceived it), I have learned to love more, care more, relate to people more. How I have brought my seminary experience home with me and it has utterly transformed my marriage from not simply romantic or marital bliss but two people not solely in love but two people tending to one another’s souls. How it has stretched my imagination, made me less afraid, less apprehensive about what is possible for the future. How it has formed my vision of a family that my husband and I might one day have—that, without a strong spiritual head, without a godly foundation, it is all done in vain.

That, without a true and deep understanding of how God operates in your life—everything else is all for nothing when you have not, first and foremost, considered what it is all for, what it all means. Even Christians, including myself, have at one time or another, lost sight of this. We’ve lived our Christian faith at a very superficial level, the Word of God not having been firmly planted in our hearts, our worldly actions having become tolerable and acceptable to us—simply because—this is the direction our world has gone—and so, we have aimlessly, perhaps unwittingly, partook in the ride as well.

So ask me again why I am in seminary, and this is what is brewing in me right now. That I had enrolled initially because I had felt God’s call, though I had no idea where it would take me, but I have joyfully and humbly discovered that I had needed it all this time—that I had been lost without realizing that I was lost—but have been found again.