A Biblical Inspiration for Marriage

This week in my Evangelical Spirituality class, we listened to a lecture on the Puritan’s view of marriage. The past few weeks, we have been following the Puritan model of spirituality (reading intensively J.I. Packer’s A Quest for Godliness, The Puritan Vision of the Christian Life), and in this short time, I already feels its impacts on my own personal spiritual walk with God. This week’s lecture, in particular, in discussing the beauty and sanctifying process of marriage, touched me greatly. So much so that I urged Lee to read the lecture too, which is why the big booklet is presently lying on his nightstand next to the bed.

In shedding light on the Puritan view of marriage, Richard Baxter was our model in the most recent class. The professor presented passages from Baxter’s A Christian Directory [or A Sum of Practical Theology, and Cases of Conscience, The Practical Works of the Rev. Richard Baxter (London: James Duncan, 1830), IV, 30]; being married, his words offered me much inspiration regarding me and Lee’s relationship, spiritually. Here were his words regarding the friendship between husband and wife:

“It is a mercy to have a faithful friend, that loveth you entirely, and is as true to you as yourself, to whom you may open your mind and communicate your affairs, and who would be ready to strengthen you, and divide the cares of your affairs and family with you, and help you to bear your burdens, and comfort you in your sorrows, and be the daily companion of your lives, and partaker of your joys and sorrows. And it is a mercy to have so near a friend to be a helper to your soul; to join with you in prayer and other holy exercises; to watch over you and tell you of your sins and dangers, and to stir up in you the grace of God, and remember to you of the life to come, and cheerfully accompany you in the ways of holiness.”

My heart was moved to tears in hearing these words read in lecture (my immediate thought was that this passage should be quoted at all marriage ceremonies!). Much of it owing to the experiences I had with Lee, and how much we have grown in the past two years—day by day, God teaching us more about how to trust in Him and how to live in obedience to Him—using our marriage as a way to give greater glory to His name (we’re still learning). He and I had known each other for almost ten years prior to our marriage, but it wasn’t until we were married, and the various obstacles we’ve had to face in our marriage, that we have truly grown—but how wonderful it is to know that God is gracious, and it is never too late to venture back onto the rightful path of obedience.

How beautifully Baxter portrays marriage: your husband or wife is someone who cares as much about your soul as yourself—who does not allow you to stay on that path of sinfulness, who voices to you, honestly and lovingly, the error of your ways, because it pains him or her to watch you lose yourself in the distorted and crooked ways of the world. And then to “stir up in you the grace of God”—how brilliantly articulated—as if he or she is fanning the flame of grace so that his or her Beloved would return once again to the warmth of being in the holy and forgiving presence of God. How much closer can two lovers be than that?

Before I go off to catch up on my Hermeneutics readings, I can’t help but list the instructions Baxter provides in the same book regarding maintaining love in marriage [IV, 117-119]. Those who are going to get married or are married, I encourage you to reflect deeply on Baxter’s points:

1. Choose one at first that is truly amiable.

2. Marry not till you are sure that you can love entirely.

3. Be not too hasty, but know beforehand all the imperfections, which may tempt you afterwards to loathing.

4. Remember that justice commandeth you to love…until death.

5. Remember that woman are ordinarily affectionate, passionate creatures, and as they love much themselves, so they expect much love from you.

6. Remember that you are under God’s command; and to deny conjugal love to your wives, is to deny a duty which God hath urgently imposed on you.

7. Remember that you are relatively, as it were, one flesh.

8. Take more notice of the good, that is in your wives, than of the evil. Let not the observation of their faults make you forget or overlook their virtues.

9. Make not infirmities to seem odious faults, by considering the frailty of the sex, and of their tempers, and considering also your own infirmities, and how much your wives must bear with you.

10. Stir up that most in them into exercise which is best, and stir not up that which is evil; and then the good will most appear, and the evil will be as buried, and you will easilier maintain your love. There is some uncleanness in the best on earth; yet if you will be daily stirring in the filth, no wonder if you have the annoyance; and for that you may thank yourselves: draw out the fragrancy of that which is good and delectable in them, and do not by your own imprudence or peevishness stirrup the worst, and then you shall find that even your faulty wives will appear more amiable to you.

11. Overcome them with love; and then whatever they are in themselves, they will be loving to you, and consequently lovely. Love will cause love, as fire kindleth fire. A good husband is the best means to make a good and loving wife. Make them not forward by your frorward carriage, and then say, we cannot love them.

12. Give them examples of amiableness in yourselves; set them the pattern of a prudent, lowly, loving, meek, self-denying, patient, harmless, holy, heavenly life. Try this a while, and see whether it will not shame them from their faults, and make them walk more amiably themselves.

Several hundred years later, such teachings on marriage from Baxter are still imperative for a loving, and holy marriage. The Bible is living… and speaks to us even in the present day; and for that, I look at Lee, my husband, and consider all the possible obstacles that shall present themselves in the future, and feel assurance, rest, and hope. For that, I say, Amen.

Persevering in the Midst of Weakness

For one thing, seminary studies has cured my insomnia. I realized that if I don’t spend every waking moment studying (if I’m not cleaning, cooking, tutoring, or in church), I will fall behind. I think about the end of the term in December and have trouble imagining the light at the end of the tunnel. With Hebrew and Greek quizzes/tests every week—I feel like I’m drifting farther and farther into a fog.

It has been a while since I’ve been in this place. I guess when you pick a major in university and when you’re working, you choose to study and work in the settings where you “shine,” or at the least, are somewhat good at. I loved studying English literature at York and the essays demanded a lot of me, but I never felt like I was pushing water uphill or anything (are you loving my clichés?).

Back in high school, however, I fought to do well in certain subjects (in particular, the OAC maths) and I fought just as hard to pass my ARCT piano exam. I was never good at these two areas—but managed to survive them through intense discipline—and prayer. For piano, I was determined to pass, partly to get it over with, partly to please my mom and my piano teacher, and partly because I didn’t want any future child of mine pointing at my past and reserving his/her right to quit something he/she couldn’t do: “Well, Mom, you quit.” I remember that grueling summer when I forced myself to practice the piano for eleven hours a day, for four months. Ultimately I got an Honours in my piano exam; acquaintances who hear about my piano background are impressed (since I barely touch the piano nowadays), and I feel obliged to tell them that I’m not a “good” piano player—just that I had worked very hard to reach the finish line.

My dad, in explaining his success, has said, “I’m not smart, I’m just a very hard worker.” I have to say, this reality must have been passed down to me genetically. I never thought I was a smart person either (I looked at everyone around me and very often felt inferior to them), and when people say this about me, I have to quickly dismiss the remark. In my mind, where I am now, is a product of daily discipline—reading and writing, reading and writing, reading and writing.

So here I am again—these subjects before me that are causing immense frustration—and I can see myself wanting to cry out of fear that I may not be able to obtain a satisfactory mark. In my brighter moments, I pray to God and thank Him for humbling me. As one of our language professors has said—studying the languages can teach us to persevere. The goal, of course, is to be able to read the Bible in both languages, and thereupon unlock the door to understanding and appreciating the Bible more. I am already relishing in tidbits of discoveries that our professors happen to mention in class—for example, the word “repentance” in Greek means doing a 180 degree turn, or that in Greek, unlike in English, the subject, verb and noun can be arranged in different orders in the sentence based on their emphasis.

Lee comes home and sees how tired I am (granted, he’s tired too). Oftentimes he is gracious, telling me I don’t have to cook dinner or offering me a massage—but I am stubborn, and refuse to use the excuse of a heavy workload to abandon my responsibilities in the home. I can pull it all off, I say to myself.

I’ll end this blog by saying that aside from my exhausting schedule, I do anticipate each day. And I must say, if I did not work for four years as a Technical Writer, I would not appreciate these days as much. I do relish in the knowledge that’s passed down in my classes. I even relish the last-minute readings I do on the subway downtown. Above all, when I am sitting in my Spirituality classes, my Hermeneutics classes, or attending chapel service, I feel a sense of renewal—as if I’m being taught how to be a Christian all over again—as if I had forgotten—about its values, its breadth, its life, its glory.

It’s in these moments that I know the decision to go to seminary at this point in my life is the right one. Even if, God willing, I am to start a family afterward, I am thankful that I will have secured this spiritual foundation before becoming a mother. I sometimes picture my becoming a mother being the Christian I was just three weeks ago, prior to seminary training, and I alarm myself. Even having taught Sunday school the past few years—I wish I had had the passion that is stirring in me right now.

Once in a while, I witness a “new Christian” who declares that he/she wants to start everything over and possesses the enthusiasm to engage in projects to do God’s work—I now can empathize.

That’s how God becomes real in the Christian’s life—upon meeting Him—the soul is ignited—and the Christian knows that this fire is not from within him/her because he/she has never felt this way before—it is the Spirit—and this delight in life, this passion to do good work, this eagerness to love—is awakened, heightened.

And that is why, the person who has been a Christian for a long time, who falls into the valley of darkness, who later, through circumstances, feels distant from God, can hang on—because he/she remembers the fire, and is patient—waiting to feel that fire once again. It is in this valley of darkness that God will raise him/her—through humility, through comfort, through guidance—and once he/she emerges from this valley, he/she shall attest to the glory and working power of God to heal and save the suffering.

So here I am. All of me. I offer everything to my God. And therein I shall find my peace.

Seminary: Day 2

I guess, when people at school ask you, “What courses are you taking this term?” and you answer, “Greek, Hebrew…” and immediately their eyes widen and they say “At the same time?” followed by a sympathetic or empathetic offering of their prayers—I should really start to worry.

Yeesh. Cancel out social life and anything else leisure-related for the next four months (thank goodness the Jays aren’t giving me enough motivation to watch them). Honey—I’ll be taking over the living room table, knee-deep in my sea of books; on the bright side, “Go, indulge in your computer games!”